How to Nab Yourself a Man

Ladies, are you sick of being single? Are you ready to mingle? Then fear not- I'm here to give you a few tips on how to catch the man of your dreams and in no time at all! 

It's as easy as 1, 2, 3 and no need to whip up the milkshakes, because I promise that AAALLLL the boys will be in your yard.

But first, you have to go find the lucky guy you're going to entrap with your womanly wiles, so...

1. Always travel in a pack with your home girls.

Nothing is less intimidating for a guy than when you're with a HUGE group of other females. I mean, when he sees you with a GIANT entourage of you and your 60 closest friends not only is he going to think you're super popular, but also super safe and responsible(BUDDY SYSTEM!), so he's immediately going to think marriage and mother material.

2. You should dress like a high price escort.

I mean, how else are you going to get a man's attention without showing off all the goods? 

Nothing says "I'm ready for a serious commitment" than looking like you could have been one of the 13 women on Tiger Wood's arm.

And what really tops this look off is when you wear 5-inch stiletto pumps that you can't walk in. Nothing sexier than embodying Bambi's first steps.

  

3. Flirt with your eyes.

The best way to show a guy you're interested in him is to awkwardly glance up at him about 20 times before he will finally come over and talk to you. You're obviously supposed to be playing-hard-to-get so going right up and talking to him would be too forward and save too much time to actually do it. So it's always best to catch his attention just by staring at him for moments at a time where he will then either ask for your number or give you a number for the nearest mental hospital.

Alright, so now you've lured a man in. So how are you going to take the next few dates to the NEXT level to get you to that perfect relationship?

1. Just keep talking.

Men LOVE it when women never stop talking. ESPECIALLY when the girl is just talking about herself. It shows that she's super confident in who she is and not at all insecure. Never ask the men any real questions, because, trust me, they just love the sound of your voice and could listen to it forever. And I think we all know that men are just such great listeners when they're really interested in something- so if you start noticing their eyes glaze over, that's just them really analyzing and taking-in everything you're saying.

2. Let him know how important family is.

You should definitely tell him how your 5-year plan includes getting married, having 6 kids, and moving into a house right next to your parents. It'll show him what's really important in your life and not at all freak him out. Guys love feeling rushed into a commitment. 

3. Talk about your exes.

Men LOVE hearing about past relationships. Especially when you're making comparisons. It's a way to help boost your new interest's feelings and in no way makes you look like you're still hung-up on a past flame. So if you ever feel a lull happening in the conversation just bring up how you and your ex never had that problem. It's sure to set the mood for the rest of the evening. 

 You're now in the committed relationship your heart has be desiring, now how do you keep your man by your side for the rest of your life?

1. Cry. All. The. Time.

Whether it be because you just watched Titanic or just witnessed the Sarah McLachlan commercial, nothing will make your man feel more like a super hero than swooping in to comfort you. Bigger the tears- the better.

2. Always talk about your period.

The cravings, the cramps, the mood swings, the nights of sleeping in the fetal position- a man will never know the complete joy of this womanly trait, so they just want to be let in on the experience. They want to be there FOR YOU. He wants to be sitting right next to you holding the heating pad on your uterus and make his woman feel good again. So don't deprive him of this opportunity, let him be apart of your monthly Shark Week.

3. Always show him your true feelings.

There is no trait sexier to a man than seeing his woman being completely and irrationally jealous. When he catches you snooping through his phone or stalking his Twitter feed, nothing sends his heart fluttering more. It shows you care and that you don't want to lose him. Never mind the complete and utter trust that is shining through in the relationship. So next time you see him talking to your female waitress, it's best to start yelling at him for "checking her out"(I.e. giving her his order) just to show him and everyone around you at the restaurant how much you truly love your man. 

*BONUS TIP*BONUS TIP*BONUS TIP*

Be sure to let him know how Taylor Swift is your absolute idol and you worship the ground she walks on. She is such an amazing young woman for young girls to look up to, how could this possibly backfire?

(Author's Note: If you couldn't tell that this post was 100% sarcastic then you make me sad.)

#ICant

Inspired by the #hashtag from MTV's Girl Code, I decided to make my little contribution to the world of things that should not happen:

People Who Wear Head-to-Toe Labels. 

And I don't mean designer labels(not that that's a good look either) but I mean the people who wear their shirts, hats, wallets, etc. from stores like Hollister, American Eagle, Abercrombie, and so on.

There is absolutely no reason why someone over the age of 13 should be caught dead in something of this sort. 

It's tacky, juvenile, and just looks stupid.  

The whole reason why we were obsessed with wearing this type of clothing in middle school is because we're trying so hard to impress the kids around us and show off how expensive our clothes are, but when you're older it just starts to show how stupid you are with money. 

It's also embarrassing for anyone who might be dating a person who still wears these blatant eye-soars. It looks like their babysitting the person they're walking with rather than dating. 

So if you look in your wardrobe and notice that you're still wearing these- go to the nearest trashcan, throw them away, go turn on What Not to Wear and learn a thing or two. 

It's Happening....

Ladies, you all know what it's like. You can tell when it's coming. Its.....

Your Time of the Month. 

You know it's coming because the week before you feel like this

You're just sitting there- waiting for it to start

Then, when you least expect it:

On the first day you're all like...

All you can think about is food

And while the Civil War is taking place in your uterus, you go in search of Midol 

Then after discovering you're out of Midol- you do the next best thing:

When people ask if you want to go and do something...

Then when people tell you exercising will help your cramps..

Then it seems everybody has made it their own personal mission to annoy the crap out of you...

This is your attitude the entire week..

Next thing you know you're crying at a Wal-Mart commercial

When your boyfriend tells you you're overreacting

So now you're forced to wait impatiently for the week to end 

And the moment you discover it's over you're like

The End. 

I've Made a Terrible Mistake

So the 'official' first day of summer is coming up this Friday and all this has made me do is wish for the beginning of fall already. 

There are the Pumpkin Spice Lattes at Starbucks, bonfires, MY BIRTHDAY!, and, of course, Halloween. And what goes better with Halloween than scary movies? 

So if you're anything like me and want to have yourself a little Halloween in June- then look no further.

The top 6 movies that scare(d) the bajesus out of me:

1. Disney's Pinocchio(1940)

Guys, I'm not even trying to be funny or anything. This movie absolutely terrifies me. I had first seen it probably 15 years ago, and you know how when you're younger your imagination plays tricks on you and does make things scarier than they actually are? About a year ago that's what I had assumed happened to me  so I had the brilliant idea that, "Oh I'll just rewatch it now that I'm a mature young adult and I'm sure it's not scary."

I WAS WRONG

I didn't even know it was possible, but it was even SCARIER than I had even remembered. I hate it. I genuinely had heart palpitations while trying to watch this. 

First, let's just talk about the fox and cat. THEY ARE TRYING TO MURDER A PUPPET. And seriously, why make the murderous douchebags a fox and cat? SOME OF US HAD CATS AS PETS and so what does that do to a little kid? Oh, that's right, it makes you terrified of your own cuddle buddy. Way to ruin a childhood Disney. Job well done. 

Secondly, Pinocchio gets swallowed by a whale. And if you've been lucky and haven't seen this movie, I'll just give you a little tid-bit, the whale is NOT as nice and kind as the whale that gave Dory and Nemo's dad a quick little lift to Australia. This whale must've been Satan's right-hand pet, because the whale was a dick. Pinocchio did eventually get out, but only because HE HAD TO LIGHT A FIRE IN THE WHALE. 

Lastly, the most TRAUMATIZING aspect of this movie is the entire scene on 'Pleasure Island.' Let's just reflect on this oh-so-pleasurable place, shall we? There is an old man who is kidnapping little boys and TURNING THEM INTO DONKEYS.  While, yes, these little boys were jackasses(oh...I think I just understood the symbolism of them turning into donkeys....clever...-__-) that does NOT mean they deserve to be turned into donkeys and sold into circuses. The most disturbing part of this, for me, is while the boys are transforming into these animals they're just crying out for their mothers and just crying and crying and crying. And, whatever, it might be the female in me, but it tears up my heart and causes me to have a panic attack. 

I'm not even kidding, while I was watching this clip to make sure it was the one I was looking for, my heart rate increased. I believe it's because this scene combines my two biggest issues: Animal Abuse and Child Abuse. I just can't.

Moral of the story- this movie is absolutely terrifying and the fact that it's actually a children's movie should be a crime. I'm pretty sure Hitler had a hand in the making of this film. 

2. The Ring (2002)

I've always been obsessed with scary movies and I remember when this one came out in theaters, I was 10, and I was not allowed to see this and I was so upset! So, what did I do? When it came out on DVD I went over to my friend's house and while I'm sure my mom thought I was watching Barney and Friends I was actually watching this! MUAHAHAHAHAHA. Little did I know that the joke was on me after it was over.

In case you don't know what it's about- it's essentially about how after you watch a certain tape you get a phone call immediately after viewing from a little girl telling you, "Seven Days," and if you're dumb and don't understand what that means, it means you're going to DIE. 

Now, I'm not going to ruin this movie by describing everything that happens in it, so you'll just have to watch it yourself.

Have fun looking behind doors and going near TVs for the next week ;)

3. Evil Dead (2013)

I saw this with my rommie and we were squealing like little piggies during the entire cinematic adventure and I never usually react that way while watching a movie. I'm pretty sure the only reason this movie freaked me out is because it was the 'cheap scare.' It was a whole lot of gore and just...shocking. I was not expecting what I ended up watching that evening I walked into the movie theater.

Since I really didn't have a clue what this movie was about when I agreed to go see this- I'll give you a heads up. There is this group of young adults, probably 20-25, who go to a remote cabin in the woods because one of them is a druggie trying to get clean and the others are trying to help her not to relapse. While in in the cabin they discover this book of the dead that summons demons and people end up getting possessed, someone gets raped by a tree, and another cuts her face off. 

So if you're in the mood to get disturbed and make you shield your eyes- then this is the movie for you.

 Now, at least for me, this wasn't one of those movies that I would have ever lost sleep over, but just while you're watching it it'll make you freak out.

4. Paranormal Activity 1, 2, & 3

Now, I might be alone in this, but I think these movies got scarier as the continued. Which, honestly, that surprised me, because I always going into sequels of movies thinking that they are going to be just terrible(minus if they're based off of books). 

How these particular series of movies work is that the first is about a couple who lives together and the woman, Katie, is being followed and tormented by a demon that's been in her life since she was a little girl. In the second and third movies they are prequels to the first movie. I can't really give a synopsis to the second or third without ruining the first movie, so you'll just have to watch them.

Now, what I said about Evil Dead(how it wasn't a movie you'll be thinking about after you walk out of the theater), Paranormal Activity is the opposite. While you're sitting there watching it there is even a possibility that you'll be thinking to yourself, "Wow, this really isn't that scary." It's not until you're at home. by yourself. with the lights off. and you hear a noise that you're first thought will be, 

"OHMYGOSH OHMYGOSH THERE IS A DEMON IN MY HOUSE. I'M GOING TO GET POSSESSED AND I'M GOING TO DIE!"

Don't believe me, then fine. Have fun not sleeping. 

5. Sanctum (2011)

This movie goes along with Pinocchio- I will never, ever, watch this again. Heads up: This is a movie about a cave diving team and goes and dives down in this HUGE cave that has been unexplored and while they're down there it starts to storm and floods the cave so the team has to SWIM and CLIMB in the opposite direction to try to find a new way to get out of this cave.While this isn't probably a scary movie in the traditional sense, it absolutely scarred me and here's why:

1) My biggest fear is being in a tight space. I guess I maybe have a little claustrophobia, whatever. This ENTIRE movie is basically them in the TIGHTEST spots possible. I actually had to revert my eyes when there was a specific scene where they were having trouble shifting through a tiny whole. 

2) As if the claustrophobia aspect wasn't enough, half the time while they were in these micro holes, they were also UNDERWATER. And drowning is more terrifying to me than a serial killer. While logically it's probably less painful to drown than to be hacked into pieces, I don't care. Drowning doesn't look like a good time. 

6. The Exorcist (1973)

No horror movie list is ever complete without this film. It's a classic. Now I know everyone pretty much knows what this movie is about, but JUST IN CASE: 

It's about the sweet little girl Regan who is possessed by Satan and she and her mother seek the help of two priest.

 I will say, I will never own this movie and will never have it in my house. The two times I have watched it it's been in other people's houses. 

It might be me being superstitious, but I do think this movie is just...I don't want to say evil.... but it's not good. I mean, it is good- cinematic wise- but for you're own health and sanity not good. While most scary movies feed off of your fears(being chased by a killer, drowning, etc) this one just leaves you feeling nasty. Like, there is a genuine dreaded feeling that gets associated with this film.  

The soundtrack alone will make your skin crawl. It's fantastic.

This is definitely a movie where you need to watch a Disney movie right after. ASAP.(JUST NOT PINOCCHIO!) 

BOOM- Pregnant

Well, without giving too many details, it's that special time of the month and my hormones are running rampant.

So this entire post is dedicated to the men that make me wish that I was pregnant with their babies instead of going through my own personal Shark Week:

1. Alexander Skarsgard

This man is literally perfection. He looks like he was carved out of marble by a Greek God. If you have no idea who he is I suggest you catch up on the fabulous show, True Blood, where he plays the Viking Vampire, Eric. I would have this man's babies at the drop of a hat and he will forever and always be number 1 on my list.

2. Jensen Ackles

This gorgeous man was just introduced to me a couple of months ago in the show, Supernatural. Look at that face- look at it. He is adorable(but really, every man on that show is sexy to be perfectly honest). What makes him even better are all of his snarky(Yeah, it's a word. Google it.) comments both on and off the show. 

Yes, you are Jensen. Yes, you are. 

3. Leonardo DiCaprio

(LOOK AT THAT FACE!!!)

Mr. DiCaprio, I believe, is my generation's George Clooney. He's an 'oldie' but goody. Leo has been in my life since as long as I can remember thanks to my oldest sister's own teen crush on him. I think the first movie I ever saw him in was Romeo & Juliet, and ever since then he's always been a cutie to me. What makes him even more perfect is that he is probably one of the best actors around today.(Poor thing still doesn't have an Oscar, but don't worry Leo, I've got faith in you!) Plus, no female can deny:

He's still got it.

4. Ryan Gosling

No list is complete without Ryan Gosling. I mean, I don't even think I need to go into anything. It's Ryan Gosling. 

5. Rhett Butler(Clark Gable)

Let's make this clear- I'm crushing on Rhett Butler, not actually Clark Gable. I have nothing against the late actor, but it's him as the southern charmer that makes my uterus skip a beat. 

Rhett Butler is the definition of a man's man. Like, if you were to look up the term 'manliest man ever' in the dictionary, his picture would be under it. If any of you aren't aware of who I'm talking about, y'all need to go to Wal-Mart or log onto your Amazon Prime account and go buy yourself, Gone with the Wind. (You won't regret the purchase, I promise.) Not only is Rhett Butler the smoothest leading man in cinema history, but Gone with the Wind is just an American Classic. 

(Ummm, can you say, "swoon"?)

Perhaps it was a bad idea to suggest watching this movie, because honestly, there are no more Rhett Butlers now-a-days.

Hey, I've never met you

and this is crazy

but I'm in love with you

So can I have your babies?

"The Book of Mormon"- A Mormon's Perspective on the Hit Musical

"If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you like." --Garden State (2004)

Now, it's important to note that I actually saw the musical back in April, but since I didn't have my blog yet I never really got to express my own opinion on it.(And as you may have been able to tell- I love sharing my opinions.)

So for anyone who has been living under a rock, The Book of Mormon is a satirical play written by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park. The play's main characters are Elder Price and Elder Cunningham- two very naive and optimistic LDS missionaries- who get sent to Uganda on their 2-year mission. In the small village they are staying in they try to share The Book of Mormon, another part of scripture in the Mormon faith, to the people which they are having trouble connecting with; meanwhile there is a warlord trying to take over the population and the village is stricken with famine, AIDS, and war. 

I remember when I was telling people beforehand that I was seeing the play they would ask if I was worried about it or just making sure that would, "be okay," and honestly I would tell people that I'd be fine. Why waste time about being offended by other people? Especially for me, it would be really hypocritical for me to get upset at someone making fun of me, because I make fun of everyone- including myself. I think it's important to remember to laugh at yourself, otherwise I genuinely think you're going to be a pretty miserable person. 

I will just begin by saying that, I- Rebecca Foerster, absolutely LOVED this musical. I thought it was hilarious, touching, and heartfelt. With that I will say that if you are easily offended or just sensitive then, no, I wouldn't recommend it to you. 

I would be lying if I said I wasn't originally a little nervous about seeing this play. I saw it with my mother and one of her friends(both also members of the LDS church.)

1. I was nervous seeing it with my mom because she's a little bit more on the sensitive side when it comes to language and other controversial topics that were discussed in the play. 

2. Even though I'm proud to say that I don't usually get easily offended- I do get a little touchy about someone making fun of something that does mean so much to me. I mean, I make fun of my own religion and the culture it entails as much as the next person, but if it's someone actually derailing my beliefs I do get a little upset. (Understandably so I would think.)

Even though this play is kind of scoffing at my faith- I believe that it wasn't actually intended on hurting the members of the church.  What I think was so great about this musical is that they really didn't bash the church- at least I didn't take anything that way. As I mentioned before I was mostly worried about them basically insulting the doctrinal beliefs that we have.(Because I have to be honest- I know that some of the things we believe in can sound strange to non-members.) 

Instead, what the majority of the play was poking fun at is the stereotypical 'Mormon Culture' that most everyone is aware of--The overly-happy couple with 20 kids or, in the play's case, the simple-minded missionary that isn't aware of 'real-world' problems. 

Sorry, not sorry, but I make-fun of  the 'Mormon Culture' probably more than non-Mormons.

(Holla to the 20 year-old Mormon girls out there that aren't married or barefoot and preggo yet!)

From what I remember, I think the worst it went into(making fun of beliefs wise) was some stuff about our Prophet, Joseph Smith, and then some of the text in The Book of Mormon.(the actual book.) But honestly- I don't remember them genuinely insulting Mormons, which I will choose to take that as they didn't really say anything because I think I would have remembered if they had upset me.

 

(This is at the Tony Awards- it's the opening number of the play.)

It was right after this opening scene that I was sold, because seriously, it so relatable. What was even more fun was that since I am Mormon, during the play they would say a few things here and there(not mean, just little jokes) and you could tell that the only people who were laughing must've been the Mormons because no one else would get it. Perfection. 

And while most people would think that the LDS(Mormons) church would boycott this musical and try to shut it down(I don't even know if that would be possible?) That just isn't the case. The church practically did just the opposite. The major players in the church actually bought out ad space in the playbill to advertise The Book of Mormon. 

(Mormons- you're doing it right.)

It's also been encouraged by church leaders to either go see it with your friends or let your friends know that you are open for any questions they may have about the church after seeing it- knowing that the musical is obviously not going to be 100% accurate on the church's beliefs or history. 

The play has actually been a huge help in the missionary work that Mormons are so keen on; there have even been a few instances on people joining the church after seeking out to learn more about it after seeing the play. (http://broadwayworld.com/article/Woman-Joins-LDS-Church-After-Seeing-THE-BOOK-OF-MORMON-on-Broadway-20130515)

At the end of the day this play really did have a good message. It left you feeling that as long as whatever you believe in makes you happy, gives you hope, and helps you and those around you then it's OK. It's obvious that the play goes from the ridiculous to the sublime, but I think it truly means well. You would definitely leave the theater with a smile on your face and feeling good about life.

And honestly- I left feeling even more proud to be a member of this church.

Why Netflix Makes the Perfect Boyfriend.

Ever since we were little girls we have always dreamt of our Prince Charming.
When we were five they were the cartoon cuties of Disney

Who can resist this charming street rat?

Then in our pre-pubescent youth the Ramen Noodle haired Justin Timberlake was our main squeeze

And now that we're mature young adults it's all about Ryan Gosling

(If you listen closely you can hear the sound of millions of ovaries exploding)

But ladies, let's not kid ourselves- Ryan Gosling is never going to write you letters everyday for a year and then build you your dream house, and you won't grow old together and die in a hospital at the same time.(wait....why is The Notebook considered romantic again...?) Sorry if this is news to you- there's a support group that meets every week; I'll text you details later.

So what's the next best thing? Nope, it's not that 'oh, I bet if I just take one more shot of Tequila he'd be cute,' guy you're looking at at the bar.....

 it's NETFLIX.

Not quite sure if I'm crazy or not? Well, let's just see, shall we?

1. Netflix doesn't judge, Netflix understands:

 Ever just have one of those days where you wake-up and say to yourself, "ya, I'm not taking a shower today and I'll just avoid mirrors at all cost and stay in my bed all day." Oh, you haven't? LIAR. 

Well, you know what you sorry excuse for a female? IT'S OK TO BE GROSS AND LAY IN BED ALL DAY! Netflix will be right with you in your bed cuddling it out and he will still love you. 

TRUE ROMANCE.

2. Netty doesn't get jealous:

Feeling a little frisky? Want to try to spice things up in the bedroom? Well, you just loosen those sweatpants sweetie and bring in your boys on the side- ya, you know who I'm talking about... BEN & JERRY. I mean, do I even need to go on? It doesn't get much better than this.

3. Netlflix knows juuussttt what you like:

Picture it: You've recently discovered the most AMAZING television show, but *GASP* it only has 2 seasons and (if you're anything like me) you finished the entire series in one sitting. Oh no! What's a girl to do? BUT WAIT- NETFLIX TO THE RESCUE.

 "So I see you liked that show on puppies you just watched, so watch AAAAALLLL the different shows on puppies!"

Wow Netflix, you know me so well! What would I ever do without you!?

BOOM- Soulmates

4. He's super sensitive to your time of the month:

I don't know about the rest of you, but I am truly a heaping mess when I'm PMSing. 

Once, I cried during a Wal-Mart commercial.

I'm not kidding.

And you know what? Sometimes a good cry is all you need when it feels like The Third Reich has set up base camp in your uterus. I feel that the best go-to section for needing to release is the 'Drama' section. Or as I like to call it, "The Race to See how Quickly You can get Depression."

And if you're feeling that you REALLY need a good cry, nothing does it better than Disney's Fox & the Hound.

(If you don't cry during this movie there's a 99.9% chance that you're Satan.)

Do you want to know the absolute BEST thing about Netflix?

5. Netflix doesn't talk:

I mean, I don't even think I need to divulge as to why this is the best aspect. 

No arguments- because GUESS WHAT, you're always right.

No stupid jokes that make you question their intellect.

No "make me a sammich"(or any other kitchen/food) reference.

The list could just go on. 

 I will say, it's been 6 months and I haven't been happier. I think he's the one.